Oh god I feel like shit now. I have been snubbed at a few times today and piled up, I feel kinda down. Like I really wonder how people around me see me. Do they see me as irritating or boring or bitchy or? I don't get affected so easily but sometimes just a few words, even coming from someone you're not close with can make my mood go down. I seriously don't know why I'm like that? I can be super nonchalant and I don't get easily pissed off and somehow that makes me think I'm not very sensitive. Guess not.
I don't even feel like talking to anyone. Maybe my family cuz they probably don't know anything that's going on in my head. My sister said, "You don't even worry about anything. You don't even cry like me. Everyday you so relax, never even see you stress at all!"
Yeah you didn't see me cry cause I don't cry in front of my family. If I quarrel with him, I would go one side, or go for a walk and cry. If I felt a wave of sadness overcoming, cry, then get on with life.
The thing is no one sees this. Not my mum, dad, not even him. I don't even call him when I cry. On one hand I don't feel comfortable, on the other, it's him that made me cry? I'm very insecure and all I know. I feel stressed too. Who says I don't feel stress? I just can manage stress really well.
I don't like people to comfort me. As in yes, I want people to say some encouraging words. But I don't wanna pour everything out and ask for suggestions. To me, I should solve it myself.
Today: Relationship-flunked. Self esteem-flunked. Family-i don't know wassup.
Seriously, come back home, parents quarreled or smth, sister come back and ask why my mum isn't home why didn't she tell her, why no dinner, so tired already still like that. Wtf? You got no dinner I got? I say I don't know what happen you still ask? You tired, I'm not? And you cry? Great, you can talk to your boyfriend. Awesome. At least you have someone to comfort you and anything.
Today is a really bad day for me.
Other than receiving sweets from my dear girls and eating on them for some self comfort, Valentines day is the dumps.
I need food.